Hediondo

 

Ser hediondo é positivamente concordante com ser-se introvertido. Vou ao supermercado e ninguém olha para mim, ninguém fala comigo, não desperto o menor interesse em ninguém. Os empregados das caixas passam o pão pela balança, um saco com laranjas, o código de barras de um pacote de 200g de manteiga, e olham apenas para os números finais enquanto me perguntam “dinheiro ou cartão?”. Este é o momento em que por vezes levantam os olhos na minha direcção. Mas mesmo aqui estes momentos começam a rarear: conheço profundamente o procedimento, e, para os evitar, uns segundos antes da pergunta respondo já com a palavra “cartão”. Pago, saio, e mantenho-me isolado, sereno e escondido por detrás da minha monstruosidade.

"Play" by Moby. A review disguised as a map.

Honey - An urban clash, the start of the journey.

Find My Baby - Restless still, but looking for hope.

Porcelain - As fragile as epic. As melancholic as brilliant.

Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad? - Either regret or loneliness. Or both combined.

South Side - ...and yet, apparently there is hope somewhere.

Rushing - Anticipation comes and sets a different mood for the following.

Bodyrock - Again a contrast happens, brings confusion and energy.

Natural Blues - Road to spirituality with a rhythm.

Machete - The last opportunity for tension, release of uneasiness.

7 - Introspection runs along a minimal approach. 

Run On - An afternoon by the river on a foreign country.

Down Slow - Here the Sun starts to set. An evening is slowly approaching.

If Things Were Perfect - Still awake, but the wind is already cold and hides the light.

Everloving - Warm sounds and the eyes start to shut for the night.

Inside - Is isolation a dream or a nightmare?

Guitar Flute & String - Meditation is a result. And the result is to meditate.

The Sky Is Broken - A slow surrender happens when you are already sleeping.

My Weakness - In the end there is only the inevitable vulnerability.

Still.

Somehow it happens. Deeper and darker, each year I go down and silent against the usual weather. No one seems the be here anymore. All is done, I guess.